The following is a walk down two very separate roads. One most often leads to tragedy.

The other provides the opportunity for fallen angels to become rising Phoenixes on the road to success and a happy, prosperous life.

Tragedy:
Life of a child in prison

You are 14 years old. You wake up to the sound of a metal cup being dragged along the bars of packed dormitory cells to the unloving shout of a guard “Time to get up and head to chow inmates.” “This means you, and right now means right now… hurry up, get up, let’s go, let’s go…NOW”
Your face is stuck to the plastic mattress, soaked in sweat and drool. (The unfitted sheet often slips off at night.) It takes a split second to realize that you are not at home in bed, but in a prison dormitory cage. That brief moment of bliss is quickly replaced by the horror that is your reality.

After peeling yourself free of the mattress, you line up and walk single file along the yellow line painted on the floor to the cafeteria, a grey, concrete-walled room with fluorescent lights flickering from the ceiling. You grab a plastic tray and walk along the chow line as food is slopped onto your tray by other inmates.

You walk to one of the long concrete slab tables bolted to the floor and sit on one of the hard metal benches welded to the table. You eat. It’s edible, but tastes terrible, is in no way organic and is in every way the cheapest processed food that taxpayer money can buy.
After breakfast you are herded like livestock to the showers, to another grey, concrete room. You strip naked and walk into the showers amongst large young men, embarrassed, trying to hide your pre-pubescent tiny penis from the others. You can’t. Everyone sees it. The comments fly. Every day, seven days a week you must stand naked while lukewarm water pours out of rusty showerheads mounted to the ceiling in long rows.

After showering you make your way to the grey, concrete rec room where a TV behind plexiglass with a broken speaker garbles whatever daytime television is on. The crackling sound bounces off the concrete walls. This is your life, every day, seven days a week.

You quickly make it to the bolted down table closest to the wall and sit on the bolted-on chair up against the wall. It is the safest seat. You always must watch your back. It is never safe. The guards are in the cage paying no attention to what is going on in the rec room. Fights are a daily occurrence, sometimes stopped by the guards, sometimes left to take their course. (I was 85 pounds soaking wet when sent to jail. I was in two fights, each with opponents more than twice my size. After the second fight I was given a nickname and left alone.

The topic du jour amongst the prisoners? The same topic as every day… tricks of the trade of how to commit crimes and get over on the system. Call it a junior college for adult criminals.

Wash, rinse, repeat. This is your life…every day, seven days a week. There is no counselling, therapy, mentoring, emotional support or love. There is job skills training. School is optional. Most prefer to attend the junior college for adult criminals in the rec hall, where the days are passed to the echo of the broken TV speaker in the background and the roar of unruly child prisoners doing as they do.

You keep to your 85-pound self. You try to be as invisible as possible. You hope to get through another day without the threat…or reality…of danger. You haven’t been raped…yet, but the fear is constant. It happens in kid prisons. This is your life. Alone. Scared. Traumatized. Depressed. Trapped in a nightmare that repeats itself endlessly in a sea of nearly identical, agonizing days. Desperation is the word of the day. Desperation is the word of every day.

Success:
Life on a Phoenix Ranch

You are the same 14-year-old. You wake in the morning to the friendly, gentle woof of the trained service dog making his way through each bedroom, gently licking and pawing at you as he does every morning. His name is Harvey. He is the house mascot who lives alongside you in your Phoenix home. You love him. He loves you too. You open your eyes. You are in a room shared with three other Phoenixes. It is a bedroom. The sheets are fitted and soft, the walls are those of a house, the floor is carpeted, there are pictures on the walls. There are windows with window curtains instead of bars.

You smell home cooked food coming from the kitchen downstairs. You make your way into the bathroom shared by you and your three Phoenix roommates. There are private bathroom stalls and private showers for each of you to use. After showering you put on your own clothes…clothes that you brought from home. You comb your hair and then make your way down to breakfast in your socks. This is a shoes-off house that you and the other Phoenixes proudly keep clean. It is your home.

Your house mother Alice and her husband Robert greet you in the kitchen, which opens up into the family dining room. Both Alice and Robert are former fallen Phoenixes. After graduating, they both decided to stay and dedicated themselves to helping fallen Phoenixes rise up again. Robert and Alice met in the graduate training program for risen Phoenixes turned Phoenix Guides, the name for those who staff the ranches. No, these are not guards or wardens, these are friends, companions and mentors that help guide fallen Phoenixes back into the sky where they belong. Alice and Robert married the day after graduating and live together in your Phoenix home. You call them Aunt Alice and Uncle Robert. It is not home with mom and dad, but it is home…a loving home complete with Harvey the family dog. You wish you were at home with mom and dad but are thankful to be in a Phoenix home and not a child prison.

You sit in a nice cushioned parsons chair at a large wooden table that seats 18 and share your meal together after the customary two minutes of silence preceding every meal. This is time for you to pray, to be thankful, to contemplate what is good in your life…whatever you choose. GALCEE is an acronym that many flow through during this time… Gratitude, Appreciation, Love and Compassion… you say the words to yourself and let the thoughts flow freely through your mind’s eye. After two minutes you open your eyes. Everyone takes a deep, collective breath….ahhhhh… you feel good. Everyone digs in! Breakfast is delicious. The eggs are straight from the farm, as are the vegetables, fruits, meat and milk. It is all produced by Phoenixes…guides, fallen, rising and risen Phoenixes alike. Instead of days spent under fluorescent lights in the grey, concrete rec room, TV crackling and the sound of rowdy inmates in orange jumpsuits echoing off the walls, your days are filled with wholesome, healthy activities.After breakfast, everyone cleans up as a family. The dishes are washed, the house is cleaned, and you all meet up 30 minutes later in the living room, filled with couches and a wood burning fireplace. Harvey jumps up on the couch in the seat next to you and lays his head in your lap. He loves you, and you love him.

Alice stands up and says “Good morning family” in a kind, loving voice. Everyone replies in unison “Good morning Alice.” She asks what we should discuss today. A new Phoenix named Ray raises his hand and when called on asks if he could adopt a dog today. The next thirty minutes are spent in a group discussion about the responsibilities of adopting a dog. At the end of the discussion, Robert asks Ray if he is ready to accept this responsibility. Ray smiles and nods. He is ready. “Let’s go then.” Robert says. He and Ray leave for the animal shelter. Every day starts this way… every day has a 30 minute pow wow after breakfast where it is a safe place to bring up any topic. There is no judgment allowed here. There is no criticism or put downs. No, this is a family gathering where the family of Phoenixes share with one another. Sometimes the topic is around fear or shame or guilt. Everyone shares these feelings. There is crying, there is hugging, there is love and support and kindness. It is a safe space.

After group the rising Phoenixes head out onto the ranch. You and Greggor go to the schoolhouse for academic education in a Montessori format. Some choose to receive their education in a hands-on fashion. Bobby goes to the barn to take the tractor apart with Raymond, a master mechanic and Phoenix graduate. It has a broken transmission seal. Daniel heads over to the kennel with Sam, Andy and Kyle to feed their dogs and clean their kennels before bringing them to the service animal training facility, which is run by Gunther, a former Army Ranger. These Phoenixes are training their dogs to become service animals for military veterans. They all love animals and are themselves training for a life of service animal training, a lucrative and rewarding career.

Orvil and Stevie head to the garden for a class on the benefits of organic fertilization and crop rotation. They both want to have ranches of their own one day. A dream of homesteading and providing for themselves. Dusty, the head gardener and Phoenix ranch is a Phoenix graduate himself. He is in his mid-60s, is missing one of his front teeth and has nappy hair. He’s always dirty and kind of looks like a homeless person, but is far from it. He was raised in a privileged family and attended Hotchkiss boarding school before being arrested for selling weed to his classmates. Rather than being sent to a child prison for violent offenders, he was offered the opportunity to enroll at a Phoenix Ranch. After graduation he left for a year and then decided to return and dedicate his life to helping fallen Phoenixes rise again. Three quarters of all staff on Phoenix Ranches are formerly fallen Phoenixes themselves. They are not ashamed of their pasts. They are proud of themselves for turning the corner and rising again. They are proud to call themselves Risen Phoenixes. Like so many other Risen Phoenixes, he chose to wear the mark of the Risen Phoenix…proudly…for everyone to see as a tattoo on his left deltoid. The days of being ashamed for having tripped up are gone. The day for proud, Risen Phoenixes is finally a reality.

In addition to classroom academics and vocational training, Phoenix Ranches have a large mental health campus staffed with licensed practitioners serving the Phoenix community. Psychotherapists, Psychiatrists, somatic energy workers, yoga and breathwork practitioners, meditation centers, saunas, cold plunges and more. Martial arts is taught at the center as a form of exercise and mental discipline. It is just one of the many options for healthy living offered at the mental health campus.There is a state-of-the-art fitness center on site, as well as a modern emergency room facility. There are tennis and pickleball courts, a basketball court, and intramural leagues for all sorts of sports and activities. There is horseback riding, camping, fishing and a variety of other healthy outdoor activities. For bad weather days there is a chess club, and game room complete with pool, ping pong and foosball table, as well as a variety of classes, seminars and other activities, such as art and music. While each Phoenix house is all male or all female, the campus is co-ed. There are rules to follow. This is an environment with only non-violent offenders. There is a system for handling grievances and incidents. There is counselling, there are programs and classes on topics ranging from job interviews to food health to emotional intelligence and the like. Phoenix ranches are about set and setting for programs, education and skills training supported by a foundation of abundance and trust and love and physical and mental health. They provide a way to learn the skills necessary to lead a successful, happy life. This is the way to heal and grow and recover and soar again.

The following are real days in the life…my days in the life.

Click here to read about how I got to youth prison. Click here to read about my arrival at youth prison. Click here to read about how I got the nickname “Buster”.